I’m reminded of some of my favorite Lecrae lyrics. In the song “Gimme a Second” he says the following:
Everything I do, I do it for you. I don’t want a single thing. I ain’t got no kind of angle, I ain’t tryna play you. You ain’t gotta know my name.
Last night I played with my blog for a little over 30 minutes. I added the blog roll and my twitter feed, trying to give the site some sort of legitimacy. Honestly, I was very impressed with myself. And wrongly so. I saw very quickly how much I will have to watch my heart in writing this blog. I default to pride (we all do). When I write, I want you to think I am cooler, holier, and more gifted than I actually am. This is not a humble brag. I am not saying I am awesome because I see how much I suck. But I am saying that I suck. The main character of this blog cannot be me. If you are looking to me for insight and whit then you may be sorely disappointed. I am only as helpful as I am faithful. Reformed guys are great bloggers. I think the genius of their blogs comes from the kind of self-forgetfullness that comes with seeing God rightly. We are not impressive. Only in Christ is God impressed with us. Jesus has impressed the Father on our behalf. That is where this blog should point- Calvary. I want to gospel to be on display here. I really could not care less if you like this blog. I do hope God uses this blog to stir your affections for Him, leading to a greater satisfaction in His glory. I only hope to be pleasing, obedient to the Lord.
This blog can only be read (and written) when we rightly see just how much God needs us. He doesn’t. At all. He did not create us out of any lacking in Himself. It is no deficiency in a fountain that it is inclined to overflow, to paraphrase Edwards. God in His grace has created and re-created us to enjoy Him. God’s glory is the chief end of man and, indeed, all things! God has ordained that we be the “messengers of reconciliation.” But we are never the agents of that reconciliation. The reconciliation is finished, perfect in Christ. This blog will not bring the Kingdom. We are passive in the Kingdom bringing. We are to bear witness to the Kingdom and the King of that Kingdom. I pray that this will be a platform for evangelism and that the Lord would be so kind as to save people that read. That is the goal.
This is a great way for me to practice writing and hopefully exercise the gifts God has given me. But look past my gifts (assuming I have them). This blog is written by a deeply sinful man. I live right smack in the middle of Romans 7 everyday. I struggle with joy in God. I have taken medicine for anxiety. Often times, I would rather sleep than learn theology and teach it. But God’s grace is sufficient. I hope to show Christ’s sufficiency with this blog. I want to testify to the sovereign, free grace of God. I couldn’t even repent and believe unless God gave me the ability. So, it is quite unlikely that I will be the main cog in God’s plan to save His elect.
Sometimes I can honestly quote the lyrics above. Sometimes I do want you to think I am great, the Reformed hero who knows the truth better than anyone. But that is the flesh and I hope to repent of that until I am glorified. This is no excuse for not preaching the truth though. I will champion Reformed theology and the gospel but not because I was smart enough to find it out. I will champion the grace of God that changed a wretch like me into a minister of the gospel. Soli deo gloria is what I have tattooed on my arm. I hope that is my heart. God has created everything for the honor and fame of His name. May we enjoy God more and better show His glory. Not because He needs us to, but because He lets us.